I purged again this evening.... I'm ashamed of myself and my small grip on life I had is falling away. I planned on eating nothing today because after purging the first time, I'm (1) scared of food (2) hanging with friends, they make you eat bad things and everything in sight (3) thus I feel disgusting. So my plan went well until I went to the movies with my friends and this guy gave me chocolates for Valentine's Day. I didn't want to be rude, so I ate them (3 1/2 pieces.) Then I told them I'd be right back. Left the theater, threw away the rest of it, went into the bathroom and...purged it all up. Then I went back into the theater and acted like nothing had just happened. I haven't eaten anything since and I don't plan on it. I don't want to ever purge again. I'd rather not eat than purge when I eat too much.
I'm falling into pieces inside. Allow me to keep myself perfect on the outside so no one worries. I don't want anyone to worry. Inside, I'm a tangled up, disgusting, screaming, mess. I feel very worthless. I don't deserve anything. I wish to be perfect....
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