Fading

Expected Body Weight - 101 lbs
Current Weight - 116 lbs

Today = Fail.  Was hungry.  Thus I ate.  What is wrong with me?

Breakfast - 1 Bowl of Special K Cereal (2 Servings, 1 1/2 Cup[220]) and Whole Milk (1 Cup[180])
Lunch - 1/3 Turkey Sandwich (Bread [100], 2 pieces of turkey[76], lettuce [3]) and 1 pack of Baked Potato Chips [100]
Dinner - 6'' Subway Sandwich (Bread [150], 2 pieces of turkey[76], 1 1/2 salami[100], 1 1/2 peperoni[50], lettuce [8], 1 1/2 pepper jack cheese[120], 2 tbsp Mayo[200]) and 2 Bowls of Special K Cereal (2 Servings each[440]) and Whole Milk (1 Cup[360])

Total Calories = 2183... these numbers are shameful and I am disgusted in myself.  I don't even know if the websites I got these calories from are reliable. So I don't know what the real number is.  Though I dread putting that large number up, they make me look weak.  But this blog is about truth.  And this is today's awful truth.  From now on I'll only eat food with the calories on the package.  I need to keep better track of my daily intake.
(cry, restrict that fat out of you.  how can you stand to look at yourself you disgusting, fat, weak, little girl)

I don't deserve to sleep tonight.  So I will not sleep.  Tomorrow is a time for self-sacrifice.  If I can't do this, I can't do anything.  If I can't amount to this expectation, what point is there for me to try anything else.  This is the obstacle and small achievement I must pursue.  Stress takes its toll.

Plan for the weekend...
2/19/10 Friday - Fasting Day
5:00 AM - Run for 30 min
8:00 AM to 4:00 PM - School
4:30 PM - Run for 30 min, 100-200 situps, 30-50 pushups, 100-200 squats, 100 stair runs (up/down=1), 100-200 squats, 50-100 leg lifts (front, side, back), dance practice - bar work and recital.
Stretches - ALL

2/20/10 Saturday - Fasting Day
Goal Weight - 114 lbs
Should do above exercises if possible

2/21/10 Sunday - Fasting Day
Goal Weight - 112 lbs
Should do above exercises if possible 

2/22/10 Monday - School
Goal Weight - 110 lbs

Projected Weight Loss:
6 lbs in 4 days... = Extreme weight loss... after that let the numbers fade to the double digits...

and I'm fading..