Truth Lie In Numbers

This is war.  A battle between food and air.  Empty and full combat in their everlasting hostility.  I need food to live.  I need air to live full.  I fast.  After I breathe in the empty air it expands in my stomach and makes me feel artificially full.  Numbers fade.  Reduce.  Diminish.  And life is once again what it's supposed to be. 

I purged this afternoon after eating too much.  My stomach was expanding, overflowing through my insides until it ruptured out of me.  Fat suppressed my spirit and numbers were large.  I purged more than I've ever purged during one sitting.  I usually get too scared after 2-4 times sticking fingers down my throat.  This time I may have done it 10 times in one sitting.  I purged last week also.  Equaling 4 times in total.  It's getting easier to purge now. 

My dad told me I'm a piece of shit.  My ex-boyfriend is spreading rumors that I'm a lesbian.  I don't understand what I've done wrong.  Everything hurts so much.  It's unbearable.  I skipped school today because I couldn't face him or anyone because I know they are just laughing at me.  I don't understand how people can be so mean.  So I stayed home depressed.  And those thoughts slowly crept up in my mind.  Why be here if it's so difficult to be happy?  Then my friend was talking to me, asked why I wasn't at school.  So I told him.  That's something I don't usually do.  So he invited me over and we hung out.  He cheered me up and listened to what I had to say.  That made me feel better but I dread going to school tomorrow, more than you know.

Instant suicide is frightening and sudden.  Anorexia and Bulimia are slow suicides...

CW: 120 lbs