my life is dark

What's wrong with me?  I purged this evening again.  This time, way more than the past 4 times.  This makes 5 times I've purged total.  I ate over 2,000 cal today.  Complete binge.  I couldn't handle it.  And I threw up.. a lot.  My throat hurts but I don't know... whenever I purge, its like there's something that clicks inside of me that makes things bearable.  That's weird.. I know.  What's wrong with me...

Tomorrow my friends want to go out to eat breakfast before school so I'll be forced to eat.  I'll have...1 1/2 pancakes out of the 3 that come on the plate.  I'll ask for no butter.  And I will eat NOTHING else the rest of the day.  So that will be around 165 cal.  

My friends are picking me up at 6:00 in the morning.  Waking up at 4:00 because I want to be pretty.  That may seem strange but I'm a morning person.  Mornings are laced with blissful waking before memory restores and secondary equity as the darkness exemplifies the time before the sun rises rather than a time to resemble an elongated time of darkness.

I'm using this website to monitor my weight.  It's a really good tool to overview everything you're doing.
http://fitday.com/

this is a life of skin and bones.  fat is the enemy.  control is the fixative.  while everything in our lives fall apart, one thing is within itself, solid.  this life is dark.

new goal: fit into size 00 jeans.  100 lbs.

stay beautiful girls and love yourselves.  sometimes that's all we've got <3