My goal: to be pretty
Maybe if I achieve that, I'll be happy.
I feel like there's nowhere for me to go. Like I don't have a home. Not really. It's either my mother's house. Or it's my dad's house. At my mom's house, she brings over her boyfriend. In which times I stay locked up in my room. My dad's dating too. I don't dare say anything about it though. They have the right to live their lives...right.
I'm feeling left behind. They don't really have time for me anymore. They're off looking for their own happiness. And since my brother's 18 and I'm 16 already, we're pretty much "all grown up." Like we don't need them anymore. But what do my parents know about how much I need them? While they've been caught up in finding happiness, somewhere along the line, they forgot about me. So that in the monotony of everyday life, I find myself alone in my family's home.
24 hour days lead to 7 day weeks. And before we know it, we've gone through a whole year not remembering a single day that's gone passed. What were we doing that made us forget?
I never see my dad. I miss him. I live with my mom, but I don't really see her, not really. I miss her too. I wish they weren't dating other people. They were supposed to be together forever. But life doesn't always give you happy endings. Life's hurt and misery lead to accomplishment and strength... if you can get past the first hundred beatings....
All the petty things everyone's so caught up in seem silly in hindsight when you're sad...
Hey there, I hope your feeling beter today. Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world. You just have to try to stay strong through it, try not to isolate yourself, and never feel guilty for who you are. If you ever need to talk, rant, or whatever you can always message me. We could exchange facebooks too, if you'd like.
ReplyDeleteAs for the goal of being pretty, thats something we can work on. What does pretty mean to you? For me, there is the obvious appearance things like thinness, nice hair and makeup. The less obvious things are the dancer qualities I admire and am trying to achieve: posture, grace, a balence of innocence and sexyness, and the feel of confidence, beauity and perfection. Also I think a person's attitude greatly affects how atractive they are. Someone who hates themselves and are miserable will look like... they hate themselves and are miserable. I am working on this myself. My greatest sruggle is obviously with the thinness, but I look to the things I am achieving, like grace and posture, to keep me from being discouraged.
If happiness is your goal, maybe working to be pretty is not the way you should look at it, seems as there are different levels of pretty-ness, and the closer you are to reaching that goal, the higher you will make your goal until it is unachievable. Perhaps a better one is trying to be the person you want to be? I dont know, let me know what you think.
Not having a home is tough. I didn't get along very well with my parents when I was younger. my "home" felt more like a prison, since I was never allowed to do anything. The best thing that I ever did was move out. Looking back, I am thankful I stuck through the hard times, because making it here was so worth it. The harder it is at home, the more you will appreciate having a home of your own some day.
My biggest regret is not enjoying high school. I was always made fun of through my younger grades, so by the time I reached high school, I hated it. I would skip and go to the houses of 20 year olds, and I didn't even go to highschool for my last year. I really wish I had the oppertunity to give it a chance, and make friends and do silly things that you only get away with in school. Its true, would have could have should haves suck.
I really dont know what to say about the parents situation, because i dont understand what you are going through. My parents never were married, although they still live together, and they drive me crazy. I really do hope this gets better for you though.
Stay strong,
-ScarlettDancer